What do you think of my writing? - sample welcome notes for wedding
I am 14 years old, but I wrote a book of fiction. I love writing and I wanted to know what you think. Here's an example:
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"Hello Ben," she smiles. He wore a jean skirt with a white blouse. Her black hair of medium length, which ended in several down, fell on his shoulder.
I returned his smile, "Hello, Ashley."
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What do you think? Criticism and suggestions are welcome!
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Sunday, February 14, 2010
Sample Welcome Notes For Wedding What Do You Think Of My Writing?
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7 comments:
I think the show is really interesting. However, there should be some improvement, but it is a good start.
They should develop their ideas. The reader must keep. If you get too fast, the reader can not enjoy both. To be developed in order to describe in detail! GOOD LUCK!
Nice and detailed. Me gusta mucho. Here is a page where you want to rest and others will give you ideas so that you do not lose points here.
http://www.fictionpress.com/
I am too and I looked around and a lot of good stories. In any case, good luck!
I have a lot of role-playing online. I know it sounds like a strange idea, but as a role-playing game are the characters of the story is closely connected with others. I think it gives me a different perspective to write. In his letter to tell you directly what you wear. You can use it you do something for the state. It will show what is happening. The key is to show things growl. Example:
"Hello Ben," he said with a smile. She lowered her eyes as her hand moved to correct his jean mini-skirt. His chocolate brown wavy hair cascading over her shoulders. I could not help but smile back, as I said, "Hi, Ashley."
It is important to use descriptive adjectives and words. "Dark Brown & quot; could be black, brown or chocolate, because she hid in a corner. Just a thought. Good luck. They have a good start!
"I like so far. In order to evaluate his talent in reality it would take on the story or at least a sample of better quality, but this little segment was very good.
I loved the characters of Ben and Ashley, and the tension was palpable, but must work the action.
Is it true that the copyright?
They lose money when it's done.
Get a thesaurus. "Medium length black hair down" and "multiple barriers" seems too artificial.
It is also a denim skirt. Jeans are jeans.
Do not let criticism get to stop me going to do what he wants.
Steven King is my neighbor. Her first story was published a new version of the heart by Edgar Allan Poe, "The Informant". I loved him because he knew that the house he describes in the story, but told me to come with something more original. I think someone else did and it works quite well for him.
Nice test! I can only say that his letter was very detailed, it is the readers a good idea of the look what your characters. To make a good proposal, it would be useful to have more history here, but so far sounds good. Good luck with your writing!
It sounds like a good start ... I have some suggestions for you:
1) 1. Line: make the "s" in "is smaller.
2) a little more descriptive. What color are your eyes? What is the expression on his face?
3) does not imply preference length, the word "... personal.
Sounds like a good story so far ... I am also interested in writing ficiton!
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